Self Acceptance
by Amina Moss
April 18, 2018
Summary
This is a written piece describing how I think it would feel to finally come to the realization that I have the key to my freedom. It is also about how it would feel to give in to a life where I feel no burden brought on by the lack of self-confidence that has dictated my life, and the lack of self-love, which I am still battling. I imagine myself being free from myself as well as society’s expectations of me.
I stare at the blank wall.
It calms me.
It reminds me of a baby looking in to the hope-filled eyes of her mother.
It reminds me of the sea right after a hurricane.
And the smoothness of an egg shell right before it breaks.
I think of how many cracks it has.
Similar to my skin,
It shows how old I am,
How many rivers have flowed out of my eyes, scraping my cheeks.
It also shows how many times I gave up on a world that was never meant for me to win.
How peaceful this blank wall feels!
How unbelievably peaceful it feels.
Yet my mind cannot seem to relate.
It longs for that peace.
Imagine not thinking about the past or the future.
Imagine just living serenely, comfortably settled into the present.
Imagine being content in the way the breeze is lifting your lashes ever so slightly,
The way the rain wets your wooly hair, and finally reaching your scalp,
Soaking your locks with wealth.
And the way the sand wraps itself around your feet
until you sink into the bliss that the present is offering you.
Imagine there being no place to be,
No one to impress,
Nothing to do but to dwell in the deep blue sea,
Floating in between layers of shallow and profound truths and self-acceptance.
In this ocean, you just scream.
Letting the vibrations of each water droplet spread throughout all seas.
Scream until each grain of sand is floating above you
Letting each particle surround your limbs and lift you up.
Then you inhale,
Letting the water drain into your lungs.
Give in.
Let it supersede your loyal blood, the one that has always held you together.
Let the water pass through your mind and remove the burden your thoughts have laid upon
you.
Let it enter your nostrils, replacing air with something you can almost grasp.
Let your limbs free as they move to the slowed beating of your heart.
Allow your arms and legs to search for connection as your muscles tire.
Let your hair wrap itself around your face.
The face you grew to love.
The face they hate.
Your hair suddenly feels weightless, unlike the heavy load it has been to you.
Let your skin wrinkle as your body gives in to the inevitable.
Now you cannot fight it.
You can no longer escape it.
Just give in.